"WE FILIPINOS ARE MILD DRINKERS"

                                                            A PARODY

    When Americans recaptured the Philippines, they built an air base few miles away from the barrio. Yankee soldiers became a very common sight. Filipinos met a lot of GI's and made many friends. They could not pronounce their names. They could not tell them apart. All Americans looked alike to them. They all looked white.

    One afternoon while a farmer was plowing his rice field with his carabao named Carpio, an American soldier named Joe was walking on the highway. When he saw the farmer, Joe headed towards him. The farmer noticed that he was carrying a half-pint bottle of whiskey. Whiskey bottles seemed part of the American uniform. When Joe was near him he greeted the farmer and asked where he can find a bar in the barrio. There were none so he told Joe that they didn't have any bar in the barrio. So Joe tried to the farmer his half-pint bottle f whiskey instead, but he declined Joe's offer. He was astonished why the farmer didn't accept his humble offer and so the farmer told him "We Filipinos are mild drinkers". While they were talking, another GI came across them, it was Joe's friend. He saw his friend and called him over and told him how Filipinos don't drink the whiskey they always drank. His friend gave the farmer a questioned look and asked him what they drink, so the farmer told the soldiers to come with him to his nipa hut to let them taste the lambanog. When they arrived at his nipa hut, the farmer got some kalamansi and salt and put it on the table with the lambanog. The two Americans looked at the lambanog and thought it was some kind of juice, they started to laugh, and they laughed so hard they fell on the floor. They bragged about how strong they drink, they told the farmer that they drink Channel 5 in France, in New Guinea they got soused up with William's Shaving Lotion, and while they were in the hospital they drank the medical alcohol. The farmer got confused with what they said so he challenged them to a competition on who will drink the most lambanog, the last man standing will win. So they started to drink the first round, and the Americans started guzzling up the lambanog. After that they started to choke and they were panting so hard and sweat poured down their faces and the farmer could imagine their faces burning up and smoke coming out of their ears. They were both complaining and murmuring about how the lambanog tasted. The farmer looked at them and offered them a second round and they both agreed. In the second round, they were still reacting weird, they were jumping up and down like the floor was on fire. The farmer looked at them again and asked them again if they can still handle for a third round, they nodded their heads but he can tell how badly they wanted to say no. In the third round, their emotions exploded, they cried, they laughed and ran around the hut and shouted like there was no tomorrow and later on passed out. The farmer bursted out laughing, the soldiers looked like they were chased by some wild animal. In the end they gave up and said their thanks and goodbyes and walked away from the hut, tripping and falling.